I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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