How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i think i have two assholes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
