My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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