I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
