meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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