i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
