My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
