I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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