i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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