We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize