I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Mom said you looked used
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i think my cat just said my name.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
