I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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