just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
