Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
