Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
