I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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