Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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