The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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