I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
