Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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