You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
