Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
