How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
