You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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