Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
