and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize