well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
