Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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