I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
