I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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