I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
A+ Viking dick
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
