There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
