ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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