SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it was like eating out sand paper
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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