I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i've created a new STD.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
