Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
