Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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