she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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