I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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