apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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