When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
