he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
