I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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