I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
