its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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