oh god the rape fog is back!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
