So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
