The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Acid is not a monday night drug
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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