I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
