He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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