i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
