I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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