I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
