do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
