Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
