Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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