After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
