does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
