Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
