Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
