it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
