mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
