i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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