is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
