You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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