ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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