so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
