you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
