Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
