Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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