Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
