All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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