I didn't shave. On purpose
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
