It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
