Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just want nice things and good sex
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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