My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
