im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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