At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
