I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
